So, to kick it off, an obviously hot topic:
Question 1: How the heck did you get married at 19? And how did you know?
Question 2: You were 19 when you got married, at such a young age how did you know she was the woman for you, a sign from God?
Thanks, person, for the almost-swear for emphasis! Yes, there were times I thought it was crazy, too.
So, how I got married at 19: Step 1 - found a woman, Step 2 - made her like me, Step 4 - refused to be reasonable and asked her to marry me, Step 5 - smiled and nodded as she planned the wedding. Easy as that. Maybe, however that leaves a few important things out, like asking her dad for permission (which I did).
Cuteness aside, I got married at 19 because I felt I found a woman that I could commit to for the rest of my life. No, I didn't get a message from God about Nikki and standing in Zales looking at rings and deciding if I was really going to go through with it was a totally freaky decision, but a decision made on good evidence. We shared the same values, we loved being in each other's company, we were both athletes, enjoyed each other's families, lived in the same area, etc. Nikki actually had a list of 40 some qualities in a husband and I met them all except two: good singer and handles money well. I'm happy to say I'm growing in both, but the idea is that a lot of things lined up. I still had to make a leap, though. It's like sky-diving. You check and double-check your 'chute, but at some point you just have to jump.
When I talked about the idea of marrying Nikki with people I respected, they all thought it was a little soon but didn't think it was necessarily a bad idea. We didn't have much money, but we both "worked" (Nikki had school paid for through a scholarship at Western) and I was a part-time youth director. We also had very supportive family, which made it a lot easier early on and took some of the pressure off of us financially. And personality-wise, we were both mature enough to take the marriage step. Not that we were totally prepared for all that marriage entailed, but the foundation was there. I can't say that's true for everybody (and that's not a slam - it's just reality). So for us, it worked.
That's not to say that part of it wasn't youthful zeal and impatience. I'm not good at waiting, and in this case that's mildly Biblical. It's not Biblical to be stupid, but Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that even though it's better to remain unmarried (for unhindered service to God), if they don't have self-control (which I didn't have much of at 19), let the couple be married so they don't burn with passion. Thank you, Jesus.
A few thoughts for those thinking about young marriage:
Overall, I'll say that marrying Nikki was absolutely the right choice. Marriage is one of God's greatest tools for shaping someone's life and character, and if you're going to jump in, just be ready for the chiseling process. The result, if you're up to it, is a thing of matchless beauty.
Cuteness aside, I got married at 19 because I felt I found a woman that I could commit to for the rest of my life. No, I didn't get a message from God about Nikki and standing in Zales looking at rings and deciding if I was really going to go through with it was a totally freaky decision, but a decision made on good evidence. We shared the same values, we loved being in each other's company, we were both athletes, enjoyed each other's families, lived in the same area, etc. Nikki actually had a list of 40 some qualities in a husband and I met them all except two: good singer and handles money well. I'm happy to say I'm growing in both, but the idea is that a lot of things lined up. I still had to make a leap, though. It's like sky-diving. You check and double-check your 'chute, but at some point you just have to jump.
When I talked about the idea of marrying Nikki with people I respected, they all thought it was a little soon but didn't think it was necessarily a bad idea. We didn't have much money, but we both "worked" (Nikki had school paid for through a scholarship at Western) and I was a part-time youth director. We also had very supportive family, which made it a lot easier early on and took some of the pressure off of us financially. And personality-wise, we were both mature enough to take the marriage step. Not that we were totally prepared for all that marriage entailed, but the foundation was there. I can't say that's true for everybody (and that's not a slam - it's just reality). So for us, it worked.
That's not to say that part of it wasn't youthful zeal and impatience. I'm not good at waiting, and in this case that's mildly Biblical. It's not Biblical to be stupid, but Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that even though it's better to remain unmarried (for unhindered service to God), if they don't have self-control (which I didn't have much of at 19), let the couple be married so they don't burn with passion. Thank you, Jesus.
A few thoughts for those thinking about young marriage:
- Marriage doesn't make a relationship better - it puts it through the fire to see if it can last.
- Marriage makes life easier in some respects (you don't have to drive home every night at 1 A.M.)
- You will both have a lot of growing up to do (you will change as people and will have to deal with the "you're not the same person I married" scenario, which everyone deals with but more so when you marry young).
- Money will make life hard (not having it or having it).
- Not being established in careers will mean big compromises. Be ready to potentially give up some big dreams to stay together.
Overall, I'll say that marrying Nikki was absolutely the right choice. Marriage is one of God's greatest tools for shaping someone's life and character, and if you're going to jump in, just be ready for the chiseling process. The result, if you're up to it, is a thing of matchless beauty.
